Last Orders, First Act: Six Inns Where You Sleep Above the Stage
Photo: ANDY RAMMY, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Somewhere between the Old Red Lion and the Etcetera, Britain perfected a very particular kind of night out: a pint, a two-hander in a room the size of a decent sitting room, and a cast close enough that you can see the whites of their eyes and the fear behind them.
The only flaw has always been the getaway. Curtain down at ten, last train at ten past, and that odd, deflating walk to the station while the actors are still in the bar.
Six inns have quietly solved it. Each keeps a stage in the back room and a bed upstairs, which means the post-show debrief happens on the premises and the only journey afterwards is a staircase. Programmes rotate, touring companies book late and room counts are tiny, so ring ahead before you set your heart on a date.
The Mill at Sonning, Berkshire
Technically a converted mill on the Thames rather than a proper pub, and better for it: supper is served before curtain, the water does the interval atmosphere, and the whole thing runs on the old rep promise of dinner, show and bed in one place. The programming leans crowd-pleasing (musicals, comedies, the odd thriller) and the audience is a mix of locals on a Tuesday and Londoners who have worked out they can be back by eleven without touching a car park. Book the theatre-and-stay package and you barely have to go outside.
The White Horse, Cromer, Norfolk
Seaside rep is in Cromer's bones, and this end-of-the-prom inn carries the tradition with a back room that fills with folding chairs from May to September. Summer brings small touring companies and pier-end comedy; in winter the same room seats forty, the wind handles the sound design and the fire in the bar earns its keep. Rooms are plain, warm and a minute from the shingle. Order the crab if it is on, and walk the pier in the morning before the coaches arrive.
The King's Head, Abergavenny, Monmouthshire
Market-town inn, black-and-white frontage, a back room that has hosted more Welsh-language premieres than its walls suggest. The programme is a genuine mix: touring theatre, folk nights, the occasional scratch performance from a company using the Beacons as a rehearsal base. Upstairs the rooms are small and old-fashioned in the best way, with sash windows that do not quite close and a breakfast that assumes you are walking afterwards. The Tuesday market is worth the trip on its own.
The Joiners' Arms, Lancaster, Lancashire
Student towns make good pub theatre because there is always someone with a script and something to prove. Here the back room is a proper black box, with a raked bank of seats and a lighting bar a visiting technician can actually work with. Programming skews towards new writing and comedy, with the odd gig night that runs late. Rooms sit above the bar, so pack earplugs for a Saturday and accept that a canal-side walk and a decent flat white are the correct Sunday morning.
The Ship, Aldeburgh, Suffolk
Aldeburgh has form: festival money, a composer's ghost and an audience that will sit through anything with a string quartet in it. The Ship's back room is the informal end of that ecosystem, hosting readings, small-scale tours and a piano that is more or less in tune and gets used. Rooms are shingle-and-stripes comfortable, breakfast is unhurried and the beach is at the end of the road. Come in the shoulder season if you want the town without the queue for fish and chips.
The Royal Oak, Kirkby Lonsdale, Cumbria
A Dales inn with flagged floors, a serious fire and a function room that becomes a sixty-seat theatre whenever a touring company comes through. The programme is sporadic and all the better for it: a two-hander one month, nothing for six weeks, then a folk night that fills the place. Rooms upstairs are generous, the beer is well kept and the walk down to Devil's Bridge is the right way to spend the morning after.
How to book the back room without being a nuisance
A few things worth asking before you commit. How many does the room actually seat, and is every seat a sightline? What time is get-in for the company, and does that collide with check-in? Will the bar stay open after the show, or will you end up drinking with the cast in a corridor?
Two more: confirm whether tickets are separate from the room, and ask what happens if the performance is cancelled. Small venues cancel for honest reasons (illness, snow, a lead who got a telly job) and most will move you to another night without a fuss if you raise it at the time of booking rather than the morning of.
The morning after
On the last visit the real luxury was never the bed. It was breakfast, when the get-out was done, the crew were on coffee and the previous night's audience was still arguing about the second act. Sit close enough to overhear. That is the green room, and you have just slept in it.